| Healthy vs unhealthy boundaries |
| How do you know if a boundary is healthy…or not? It’s important to recognize that healthy boundaries help to protect and respect you; an unhealthy boundary seeks to control or harm someone else. “I need space to hang out with my friends and do things I enjoy on my own” would be a good example of a healthy boundary. But if your partner says, “I need you to stop talking to other guys/girls because you might cheat/I get jealous,” that’s not a healthy boundary; it’s a warning sign that your partner may have some trust issues and is trying to control who you hang out with. Here are some more great examples of healthy/unhealthy boundaries! |
| The following comparisons highlight the difference between healthy and unhealthy boundaries. |
| Healthy: Being your own person. |
| Unhealthy: Feeling incomplete without the other person. |
| Healthy: Accepting responsibility for your own happiness. |
| Unhealthy: Relying on others (especially your partner) to make you happy. |
| Healthy: Being able to balance separateness and togetherness. |
| Unhealthy: Wanting either too much or too little togetherness. |
| Healthy: Having meaningful friendships outside the partnership. |
| Unhealthy: Being unable to build and maintain close friendships with others. |
| Healthy: Being able to see and focus on your own, and your partner’s, good points. |
| Unhealthy: Always focusing on your partner’s flaws and worst qualities. |
| Healthy: Achieving intimacy without the use of substances. |
| Unhealthy: Using substances to reduce your inhibitions and achieve a false sense of intimacy. |
| Healthy: Communicating in a way that is open and real. |
| Unhealthy: Playing games; being manipulative; not being willing to listen in a non-defensive way. |
| Healthy: Being loyal and committed to your partner. |
| Unhealthy: Displaying jealousy and relationship addiction; being uncommitted to your partner. |
| Healthy: Respecting and accepting the ways in which you and your partner are different. |
| Unhealthy: Blaming and criticising your partner for having different traits and qualities from you. |
| Healthy: Being open and asking for what you want, in a clear and unambiguous way. |
| Unhealthy: Being unable to ask for what you want. |
| Healthy: Accepting transitions and endings. |
| Unhealthy: Being unable to change, let go and move on. |
Anna Godfrey 